Driven by Destiny

Monday, July 21, 2014

Consensual Slavery vs Unlimited Choice

Whenever I get into discussions about my lifestyle and/or traditional gender roles, even the most understanding and open-minded people, usually say something like this "As long as you made that choice, I am OK with it, even if I don't agree with it, but you shouldn't be forced by religion, culture, family, society etc etc to make any choice that you don't want to make"

The implication is that "not having the ability to make your own choices" is somehow a tremendous disadvantage or drawback and should not be tolerated under any circumstances. But is that really a sound assumption based on fact or is it our emotional response based on our own biases?

Sheena Iyengar a professor at Columbia Business School, is known for her research on the topic of choice and has even written a book on it called "The Art of Choosing". In the TED talk clip I have included here, she specifically explores this very question and other important "myths" about "our love affair with choice"

Her conclusions may seem startling and uncomfortable to many, but for a Daasi like me, it came as no surprise at all, because I have always intuitively believed  what Iyengar found through her experiments.

If I had a dollar for every time I heard a "feminist" say "It's all about a woman's right to choose, only she should have the right to make her own choices", I could buy myself a nice present. Iyengar demolishes this argument completely.

I respect my Swami and trust him completely, so I have handed over the power to make choices on my behalf over to him. Instead of focusing on what "I want" or what "I am entitled to" or what "I deserve or desire", I find total bliss is letting Swami decide what "I should have", what "I am entitled to" and what "I deserve or should desire". In her studies, Iyengar found that this is not just a "dim witted" alternative to the popular mantra of making the "individual woman the primary locus of choice " and advocating for "stick to your guns no matter what the effect, if a choice affects you, only you have the right to make it; the only way to protect your interests is to take care of it yourself"

Iyengar found that Letting others make choices for you, provided they had earned your trust and respect actually helps build healthy communities and promotes harmony in relationships!!

Giggle: Submissive:1, Feminist:0 :-)

The second myth about "choice" is that "it is THE marker for liberation and freedom", i.e. where it is absent, there is no freedom, only oppression and suffering. Iyengar found that often what we mistake as choice is actually meaningless minutia. Her experiment with "choice of soda" here is very instructive. Just like the Russians in her experiment concluded that "Pepsi" "Coke" and "Mountain Dew" is not really a choice of drinks but just a single choice of "Soda", I have finally recognized that often what I considered "my choices" were just "different manifestations of my own ego and selfishness". When before becoming a Daasi, I made my own choices, I was not really choosing between different alternatives, I was always picking the same thing, namely: "What my ego demanded of me" I only had an illusion of making choices. As a Daasi, my Swami makes choices for me, as a free woman, my ego made choices for me. I really did not have "extra choices" or freedom as a free woman, I just thought I did. In other words, we are all slaves, some of us choose our Master, some don't even recognize we are slaves and think we are actually free and are making choices!!

Submissive:2, Feminist: 0 :-)

Finally, the one myth that is religion to most feminists. "No woman should ever say no to choice". Iyengar found out in her experiments that parents struggling with making end of life decision for their children  felt trapped, guilty, angry even clinically depressed while making tough choices but could not get themselves to let the doctors make these choices for them. Some felt they were being tortured and felt like executioners, but nonetheless insisted on making those decisions.

In my case, I say "no to making choices" daily but I have never felt trapped, angry or depressed. Instead I am filled with pure transcendental bliss when I submit to my Swami. Walking away from "Choosing" and "becoming a Daasi" was perhaps the best decision I made from a happiness standpoint. I am so lucky that I was not trapped into believing that "only exercising my own choices" would make me happy.

Submissive:3, Feminist: 0 :-)

To conclude, being a Slave affords me a different vantage point, like being blind offers Iyengar a different vantage point. Listen to her story about the nail polish experiment at the end. It is so precious!!  I giggled when I heard how the women reacted when Iyengar presented them with two bottles of nail polish without any labels.

When you strip away "labels" from how we lead our lives, and objectively evaluate Consensual Slavery, can you really tell the difference? Or is the label "Consensual Slavery" coloring your perception on what it is?

May I respectfully suggest that all of us think about this deeply and come to our own conclusions

For me the final score is

Submissive:4, Feminist: 0 :-) but your score may be very different and that is ok


Saturday, July 19, 2014

Weekend Bollywood Blast: Cocktail: Story of a PUA and his two girls, one submissive, one slutty

This weekend's Bollywood blast is the 2012 movie Cocktail. It revolves around this Pickup Artist (PUA) Gautam and his girlfriend Veronica. Veronica played by Deepika Padukone is a "liberated" Indian chic. She sleeps around, parties hard, drinks hard, basically has a lot of fun but underneath it all is a really nice girl.
Veronica befriends Meera (played by Diana Penty) who is a submissive traditional girl and a polar opposite of Veronica. Meera hates Gautam and his brash and selfish outlook on life and love, but as they interact, Gautam slowly gets drawn towards Meera  Now unlike real life, Bollywood strays off the PUA script and makes Gautam fall in love with Meera but then, its a movie right?

One thing is shown accurately though. PUA's may have lots of fun with "slutty loose women" but they never fall in love with these girls or marry them. Gautam ditches Veronica and goes after Meera leaving her traumatized.

What about Meera? Does she fall in love with Gautam. Well, you better watch the movie to find that out.
You can watch a preview of here or the entire movie with English subtitles on Youtube at the link below

Watch the trailer with english subtitles to see if  you are interested

Here is the song where you can see Gautam falling for Meera
Beautiful Song and Diana Penty as Meera looks gorgeous in the song. Needless to say Deepika delivers another outstanding performance. 
2013 was a good year for Deepika, She won the "2013 Special achievement award" for delivering 4 Bollywood blockbusters in one single year. Here is her emotional award ceremony
and an interview with her in English

Friday, July 18, 2014

Swami's dominance tricks

A few months ago I wrote a blog post where I told the story of how my marriage turned into a Master-slave dynamic.

Today Swami wields the magic of power, success and money that comes from running his own company and his confident demeanor attracts women like Chutki, his assistant and others to him, but even during the early years of our marriage when he was beginning his career, when he had none of those, he had one infallible weapon. He was a natural dominant. He knew how to act and behave in ways that conveyed power, success and high status even before he actually inherited them. And I experienced these sexy moves, right from day one in our relationship.

As I explained in my "Daughter to Daasi in less than a decade" blog post,  I was a"Taken-in-Hand" wife, but Swami did his part too and reinforced my status by exerting his dominance on me everyday very subtly and naturally. A reader asked me recently how he did this, so I took a trip down memory lane and had an interesting conversation with Swami and came up with the following examples.

Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing about it. It felt wonderful reliving the first two years of our marriage with Swami

Swami was of course dominant in bed. He fucked me like he owned me. When he wanted me below him, I was below him, When he got a little tired, he would just flip me and let me ride him, then he would flip me on my knees and fuck me doggy style. Then he would gently push me down and have me blow him. He never asked me once, "Can I?" "Would you mind?". He just did it and fully expected me to enjoy it. And God, it was amazing!!! To have raunchy sex without the guilt of feeling like a pervert, simply sublime!

I still have long hair, but when I first got married, I had really long hair. It came down all the way to my butt! It was my pride. While in college, boys would want to touch it, but I never allowed anybody near it. The surest thing you could do to annoy me was to mess with my hair. I guess Swami noticed my obsession and decided to do something about it. He laid claim to my hair the second day of our marriage. He used it to pull me to him, position my face the right way he wanted before he would kiss me, When we made love, he used my hair for balance! He messed with it whenever he felt like it, and he made sure that he came on my hair, at least two or three times a week. Once I whined to him about it. He gave me a look and then for three days straight, made sure that he only came on my hair. He even coaxed me to caress and massage his feet with my hair. Now I know some people reading this would think. "What a jerk", but they would be missing the entire point. I was obsessive compulsive with my hair and it was an unhealthy obsession, and as my husband, this was his graceful yet powerful way of breaking that obsession of mine once and for all. By the time he was done, I had surrendered. It was nominally my hair, but he pretty much was its real owner. When I gave in, he pulled back and moved on, but I never forgot the lesson.

If I was ever in his way, he did not just stand there, he would put his hand around my waist and spin me around gently, kiss me on my forehead and move me out of his path. This was his magical way of exerting physical domination and it always left me breathless in love!

He would never jump up and run to me when I beckoned. I had to go to him, look at him and talk in a soft voice for him to acknowledge me. He never dropped what he was doing and turn his full attention on to me. He would glance and smile every once in a while to reassure me that he was listening, but the rest of the time, he would continue doing what he did. I used to yearn for just a look and would forever be looking at him, lest I miss his glance. And every time he would smile and acknowledge me, my heart would skip a beat. As his wife, I looked at him for his approval, but never the other way around. But God, he was a good listener. He paid attention without showing it.

He never tolerated crap. I found that out very early in our marriage. He never lost his temper and try as I might, I just could not push his buttons. I remember some of our early fights. I would go in and start nagging him about something and as I talked I would raise my voice. For a few of these, he would just stare at me long enough, and I would back down, but then I got a little cocky and decided to push him. So the next time he gave me the staring routine, I said "Don't try to intimidate me with your stare. I really need you to ...blah.. blah...." I was rambling on when mid sentence he stood  up, came over, leaned really close into me and then put his face really close to me, grabbed me by my waist, pulled me to him  and said "Watch it, you don't want to go there!" in an icy low tone. Then he  kissed me and gently escorted me out of the room with "When you are ready to talk respectfully, we can have this conversation". He would then step back and continue with what he was doing.

It stopped me cold in my tracks. I said something stupid and slithered away from him. My heart would be pounding, my cheeks would be flushed and I would have beads of sweat on my forehead and my armpits would be soaked in sweat.

Inevitably, I would apologize for my boorish behavior and spend the next 30 minutes or so, trying to get back in his good books.  The great thing about Swami was, he never held a grudge. As long as I was nice and respectful, I could tell him anything and he would listen without judging me. Did not mean he would do what I wanted or agree with me, but I always got a hearing if I did not bitch or nag. I used to feel so guilty after complaining to him, that just too prove to him that I was not a total bitch, at night I would try to seduce him and would thank my stars, if I eventually found myself on my knees with his cock in my mouth!

After a couple of times of trying to break him, I gave up and learned to just be a good wife, make my requests respectfully and thank him profusely if he chose to accede to my requests. Even my parents were surprised at how docile I had become when I visited them in India after a year of being married to Swami. Looking back at it now, I am so thankful, he did not cave in to all my crazy emotional demands. I would have made myself and him totally miserable

When we were at some social gathering, he never ever sought me out or orbited around me. In fact he would completely ignore me. I would instead be drawn to him, ask him questions, if he was talking I would stare at him like a groupie, and my heart would do a little dance every time he caught me staring and would smile at me.

Even at home, he would be super cool, a little aloof, immersed in his "manly pursuits" but occasionally emerge to give me some much needed attention, but I never ever ever ever ever got to monopolize his time. I had to earn every minute he spent with me. If I was a bitch, no time with him, if I nagged, no time with him, if I cooked him a good meal, he would hang around for a little while, provided I took the opportunity and impressed him with intelligent conversation. Without him ever saying it, I tried to bone up on history, politics, news, science, exotic destinations and a whole bunch of other topics, just so that I could hold his attention!! He would then show his appreciation in words and gestures and I always felt like I had won a Nobel prize. I would go over these interactions in my mind over and over again and smile and giggle like a little girl as I recollected his kind words and seductive touches.

Now because the payoff to me for a well cooked meal was so great, I became obsessed with making sure my cooking was perfect. I would slave for hours and pay excruciating attention to all manner of small details because I could never be sure what would catch his fancy. I would try new dishes three of four times and test it on all my friends before ever presenting it to him. I would obsess over every small grunt, lick, eye or lip movement of his when he ate and wait with bated breath to find out what he thought of my cooking!!
He would then simply say "Tastes good" and I would almost have an orgasm!! because that would mean, I would now get 30-40 minutes of his undivided attention, which was more precious to me than  air in my lungs.

Another thing Swami did just enough times to let me know who was boss, would be to either fuck me or make out with me after I was all dressed and dolled up to go out somewhere. This would mean, I would have to spend another 30 minutes+ getting ready again after we were done. He did not do this too often, that would just be cruel, but he did it just enough to let me know that he had the power to do it. It always left me guessing, a little excited, a little pensive and anxious and above all completely turned on. As I got ready, I could feel my sexual tension rising, but not once, not even remotely did I feel brave enough or bitchy enough to really try and stop him. He took what he wanted, when he wanted, and the best part was he took it so effortlessly and with so much spunk and confidence, I just gave in after just a little giggling and weak pleading.

So there you have it. Some of his moves. I am sure there were other tricks, but these are the ones I can recollect quite easily even now after all these years.

It's not the physical constraints that controls a Slave, it is her willing mental surrender

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Daasi Dishes: Chole aka Garbanzo Beans Curry

After a long break, I wanted to come back with another Daasi Dishes recipe :-) 

This a healthy recipe with good nutritional content. Hope you like it

Ingredients for the Curry

200 grams Garbanzo Beans
25 grams Store bought Chole Masala Powder or can prepare as given below
1 bunch cilantro 
1 pinch cumin
1 tbsp ginger garlic paste
1 tsp amchur(dry mango) powder
1/2 tsp garam masala powder
2 green chillies
1 medium lime
3 tbsp oil
2 onions
2 tsp Salt or as per your taste
2 tomatoes
1 pinch turmeric (optional)

Chole Masala Powder

4-5 black cardamoms
1 inch cinnamon
5-6 peppercorns
3 cloves
1 bay leaf
1 and half tsp cumin seeds
1 and half tsp coriander seeds
1 and half tsp fennel seeds
2 dry red chillies

In a pan, dry roast all the spices on a medium flame, taking care that you don't burn them, Once they are done, let them cool and then grind them into a fine powder.


  1. Soak the Garbanzo beans in water overnight or if you want to prepare this on the same day soak them in warm water for at least 5-6  hours
  2. Pressure cook the beans
  3. Drain them, preserve the liquid 
  4. Chop the onions and tomatoes
  5. Heat oil in a deep saucepan and add cumin seeds, garam masala, amchur powder and the Chole Masala powder
  6. When the cumin seeds change color add chopped onion to it and saute till they are brown
  7. Add the turmeric and Ginger-garlic paste to it and saute for couple of minutes
  8. Add the tomatoes, chopped green chillies, lime juice and salt
  9. Saute the tomatoes till they are soft and mushy 
  10. Add the beans to the mixture and stir gently
  11. Add the preserved liquid from the beans till  you have a nicely consistent gravy
  12. Simmer the stove and cook covered for 5-6 minutes and garnish it with chopped cilantro leaves

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Weekend Bollywood Blast: Can't Sleep on Saturday Nights

This is a feet tapping song from the movie "Main tera hero" ( I'm your hero) starring Varun Dhawan, Ileana D'Cruz, and Nargis Fakhri.

Why I like this song

  • Good dance number
  • Swami likes it too. BONUS!!
  • I danced this number in front of Swami in a blue outfit very similar to the girl on Varun's right, except I wore no panty or bra unlike the girl in this dance :-). Needless to say we had great sex afterwards, so I have fond memories of this song.
  • Naughty lyrics
  • Gorgeous women with very nice dresses. 
  • Varun Dhawan sizzles!!

Enjoy and watch with subtitles

Can't Sleep on Saturday Nights by desidaasi
Also, here is the trailer with English subtitles for the movie. BTW guys, please don't do what Seenu does in this movie and go all  mushy on the girl and tell her " I want to BB you, tweet you, mail you, Skype you, etc etc and then threaten to kidnap her". You will be immediately relegated to the "friend zone" or be called a "weirdo" or "stalker", Giggle. 
Best dialog from the trailer
"I look like a sweet innocent Swami type, but I am total Haraami (Rascal)"
Giggle. Sweet innocent Swami type? Seenu dear, you have not met my Swami!!